The correlation between working and bitterness
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I've been beginning to realize the negative effects that working at an earlier age has had on me.
I've always looked at my job experience as advantageous. I feel I have a better work ethic and sense of responsibility than many my age, and I am very conservative in my usage of resources; I even tear pieces of Scotch tape in half to make a roll last longer. I love being able to say that I was independent enough to work my way through college, and sometimes I almost feel elite in that way.
However, I think that working since my early teens has impacted me negatively in a few ways. I know I haven't gotten to experience as much because of work. I worked in high school when a lot of my classmates visited places like New York, France, and China on trips with family and friends. I always hated the question on scholarship and other applications that asked where I've travelled... I've hardly been anywhere because I can't always afford it and because I have to make money for school, rent, etc.!
In college, I was always working close to full-time to pay tuition and such, and I know I'm not the only one. Now that I look back on my time, I feel like I missed out on quite a bit... but were those things important?
I almost feel like I don't know how to have fun as well as my peers; I feel like i have a harder time being laid-back and relaxing. I hate looking back at pictures of events and not seeing any pictures with me, then realizing that I wasn't there, or even worse, that I was there!
At work, I am the one who continues to work when everyone else takes a break and laughs. I am unsure when I should relax and when I should push on. I feel like my co-workers are are lot more fun, and I do want to be someone people want to be around. I'm dependable and hard-working, yes, but at what price?
Most of all, I don't like the way I look at people who didn't have to work, whether they're friends, co-workers, or Paris Hilton. I feel bitter because they can enjoy themselves on weekends or anytime without worrying about money, whereas I penny-pinch constantly. I don't go to bars because drinks cost a lot, but I do have fun when I do go. Also, it seems like it's easier to make friends when you have money because you can buy gifts and other things for them without worrying about how it will affect you.
I want to be successful, and sometimes I feel like there isn't enough time in life to have fun, and since I only have one life, I should try to make a difference in it rather than just enjoy it. I need to find a balance between accomplishment and enjoyment. How do you do it?
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It's tough, isn't it? I've never found a real balance yet. Sometimes when you do take time to socialize at work, coworkers may use it against you by attempting to draw you into gossip or by making gossip up about you, or by undermining you because you are the diligent one in the office. It is dismaying, but often one simply can't be friends with people at some companies. I went from having no work experience to fulltime work at age 18, all the way through college and grad school and it did take it's toll. There was no choice, since little financial aid was available then. Being you own sole means of support can be difficult int he long term as well.
I wished I'd had earlier work experiences and greater variety to prepare me for adulthood!
Best wishes to you.
You are asking all right questions girl. Give it some time, and you will figure it out :)
Everybody has their own way, and you are not an exception. For some reason it was important to you to work hard (and still is). But now your priorities are shifting towards actually enjoying your life :)
Wow--big question! "I need to find a balance between accomplishment and enjoyment. How do you do it?"
I find that life/work balance is one of the biggest subjects among people today. Money is a huge motivator in life, and it can also be the thing we most accuse of ruling our lives. But that's a personal choice in many ways, even if we can't or don't want to fully acknowledge that as a truth.
Money didn't really flow in my family while I was growing up, and it's still tight. I'd like to be making a lot more than I currently am. But part of that "lack" of money for me now rests in the decisions I made. I consciously chose life enjoyment more than work-specific accomplishment--and I often very much enjoy the accomplishments of my work. I have chosen work that was extremely fulfiling emotionally and also provided tremendous on-the-job satisfaction when I performed well. It didn't pay a lot, but was it ever life-enhancing experience!
What I also learned was to not spend a lot on all the ridiculous stuff we are "told" in so many ways that we must have. What do you REALLY need and want in order to be happy? Do you need to go out often to bars to grab a drink with a friend--or can you go once a week, maybe, and then more deeply enjoy that time because you've set it aside and therefore made it more special? Or what about buying a great bottle of wine (or whatever) on sale and inviting a friend or two over to enjoy it with you? What about the activities that you find interesting? If you really want to travel more, you can and you will. It involves planning, creativity, setting aside money, and also visualizing. I honestly believe that if you want something enough, and you picture yourself doing it, you will indeed find a way to make it happen--eventually. When we forget our dreams, they forget us.
It does sound like you've been entirely financially responsible for your life for a while. Are there areas you can comfortably cut corners? For example, how would you feel about putting all your belongings in storage for several months or longer, and taking the money you'd save from paying rent and utilities to traveling to the place(s) you've always wanted to visit? Not to mention, there are lots of great work abroad opportunities, and volunteer vacations, etc.
I have no idea what the specifics of your days and life are, so I hope you don't find any of the above offensive. They're suggestions based on the ways in which I've lived my own life at times! It's just that in my experience, when I stop living according to the dreams of *others* (for example, big house, husband who supports me, kids, 401k, and an economical hybrid car!) and really focus on how *I* want to live my life, I find that balance much more easily--even if I have to be very flexible and imaginative in creating it.
Hello Glassvisage,
You are pondering a lot of things that many people do not even think about until they are middle aged (and starting to be filled with regrets). The fact that you are wondering shows insight and the ability to change.
It seems to me (since you are reflecting upon these things) that a good place to start is by asking yourself "What is the meaning of this (for me)"? For example you said that you "penny pinch" - what does that do for you (i.e. mean for you) - security? a "should/guilt" that was passed on to you? possibly freedom of choice (for now or later)? Only you can anwer these questions. Then you should move on to "What does success mean for me?" "What does friendship mean for me (let's face it if friends need to be bought with drinks or gifts they do not fit the definition)? The list of questions are indeed endless, but when you answer them genuinely (and not with a should or something that someone else/society has provided) you will be on the path to a more authentic existence that can provide you with genuine happiness. Life is not "one size fits all"
Hope my 2 cents helps and makes sense:)
It comes with age. One moment you will realize, AHA! now I get it. And it hits you just like that! The fact that you realize when these special moments hit, you will have answered your own questions. I hope that makes sense. But everything you are feeling is normal so don't think too hard about it.
Hi Glassvisage. You are a rare find indeed. So many young people have the opposite problem. They know all about entertaining themselves and feeding their personal desires, but not enough about responsibility and work ethic.
You strike me as a very disciplined and organized person. What would it take for you to give yourself "permission" to indulge in a few more fun times each week (or even each month)? There are good reasons to keep work life and personal life separate, so I'm not advocating suddenly going out for drinks 5 nights a week with co-workers. But since you seem to be goal oriented, turn that natural tendency into something fulfilling for you. Take a class that's strictly for pleasure. Schedule a vacation or even a spa day. It IS possible to lighten the feeling that work has to be #1 and only in life.
In my own experience, work defined me for a long time. Until family came along -- that shifted the balance pretty quickly:-). Good luck to you. I know you will figure it all out. Give yourself permission to enjoy your life. You've earned it!
I can certainly tell now how lucky I am to be a part of HubPages and to have such sincere and amazing peer authors and readers! Thank you all for your input, which I believe has truly helped me understand a little more about myself. Your advice and expertise has shown me that it's okay to save money as much as I want; I sometimes feel like I should be spending more and having fun because my friends and co-workers are, but doing so makes me very uncomfortable and regretful.
You are all great, and how wonderful that you're all here at HP :)
I'm really impressed that you are even asking these kinds of questions. I think it's wonderful all that you have accomplished, and I don't blame you for wondering if you are missing out on something by working so hard from such a young age. I also had to work my way through college but I've never regretted it. (I'm 55 now, so that was a long time ago.) For me, the secret turned out to be working hard at what mattered to me--then it doesn't feel like work, it's really a joy. But finding out what matters is a job in itself! It sounds like you are on the right track and will be very successful. Maybe it is time for a retreat? Sometimes that helps--get away, do NOTHING for a week, somewhere no one can find you, and see how you feel and waht you want after that. Good luck!
Wow! I agree with so many comments above that you are asking these questions so much ealier than most people. I began asking these questions almost too late for my family. I'm in the process now of re-directing my work life. It is always sad when we come to the realization too late in life when we can't do anything about it. A good work ethic is a rare thing these days. So keep taking pride in that. Just use wisdom in dealing with those others and don't let jealously get in the way. Those that are partying all the time because the money is bottomless lose on on much that you gain.
Read what everyone above has commented and you will realize that you might not be like the ones you work with. You are a survivor and you are willing to put out all the effort it takes. I say do it while you are young and you can do it. When you are older you should be set up and many of your co-workers now will wonder why they are not in such good shape. Not only are you saving money you are also saving your health by staying out of the bars. Enjoy whatever you do while you are doing it. C.S.
These's a season for everything and as young and smart as you are -- I'm sure you'll be doing all the things you think you've missed later. Travel is wonderful, and in my opinion necessary to understand the world beyond your personal borders. However, you'll appreciate it and "see more" with age. To know the value of working hard and having goals that you achieve -- you can't put a price on that. Great hub!
Thanks to pgrundy, RGraf, C.S., and Jerilee for even more wise, wonderful words. I have great trust in what you say... you make me feel much better about the way things are now! Hopefully I can make it all as worth it as you make it seem!
Glassvisage, one way to travel and not have it cost you anything is to get a job abroad. It could be a great way to see another part of the world, broaden your horizons, and also get some perspective about what's good about having a job in the U.S.
There are lots of opportunities to teach English as a second language in many different countries. Maybe one of those is right for you.
Dear Glassvisage, you can be successful and have fun - find time for it. If you feel bitter, it means that you need rest, laughing, relaxation.
It is easier to succeed with big smile on your face, joy give us energy and pushes us forward.
Life is not only accomplishing the goals, life is also beautiful game to play. While you play this funny game, you can better enjoy your success, and you cannot loose the track.
You are successful already and you will rich the top of your mountain: but it is bigger pleasure when you hike without pressure, if you do not run up to the top, if you walk more relaxed, while having time for friendships, fun, and to enjoy all beauty which God created for all of us.
Be proud on yourself, but learn how to play on your way to success. YOU HAVE ENOUGH TIME!
With my 42, the most important measure of my success is quantity and quality of love which I give and receive, as well as joy. The rest is easy to create with support of joy and happiness.
A lot of Love&Light
It might sound a little crazy but, much of life is an illusion so we can make it what we want if only in our mind! Make it the best you can because it is your illusion. C.S.
Thanks Aya, Tatjana, and C.S. for your comments... I guess I do have enough time to do enjoy life more, but I just need to learn how! Does that sound weird? :S
No, it does not sound weird. When I was young as you are now, did not enjoy my life too much.
Intent to enjoy, imagine yourself happy and relaxed, I suggest you to find some type of meditation which suits you (maybe something in movement, tai chi, dancing meditation, dancing as such) , imagine yourself as child...full of happiness.
You have right to enjoy. You deserve that.
C.S. is right: this life IS JUST AN ILLUSION in our mind...holographic picture in our heds we materialize. So, you change your pictures,make them better, little by little. You will safe your self from stress and bitterness.
There is no point in success if we do not enjoy it.
Love and Light
I'm impressed by you and I wish I had been allowed to work in high school. I think I missed something. We were and are a poor family and you are inspiring. i do agree about the socializing at work. Very bad idea. i am speaking from experience on this one. i had a job recently that I actually loved. i am a people person and having worked the midnight shift in a small town I had no social life so I turned to my co-workers as friends. i was new back in town after 25 years and these people were not my friends as it turned out. they took an innocent situation and comment and turned it inside out which got me fired. Now I have to fight for my unemployment. Mke firends somewhere else besides work. since you enjoy working why don't you use that enjoyment to help others by volunteering at a youth camp in the summer. mke sure it is co-ed. You get to work, socialize and help all at the same time. it would be a vaction that you get paid for. and would not cost you anything. Shoot think I'll do it myself. LOL
Thanks for the tip, God's Child... I appreciate that you shared your personal experience, even though it wasn't positive, because it can help others
Ralph Deeds Level 6 Commenter 3 years ago
It would be more positive if you looked back on your various jobs in terms of what you learned from each one. I started mowing lawns when I was about 10, washed dishes in the school cafeteria when I was in high school, worked 6 or 7 summers on my gradparents, cattle ranch, waited tables at a fraternity house during my freshman year in college, worked in a student-owned laundry and newspaper agency for my last 3 1/2 half years in college, taught English for a summer in Bogota, worked for a summer in a U.S. packaging company in Medellin, Colombia, worked for 34 years in a U.S. auto company, 4 years in the Clinton administration, 5 years in the state government in Michigan, and currently I'm still working part time. I learned something new from every job I had, perhaps more than in most of my school classes.