I'm a girl - Why do I get along better with guys?
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It’s just me. Maybe it’s the way I was raised. Ever since I can remember, I never really got on that great with other girls. It wasn’t jealousy – I just didn’t click with them. I’m not one of those girls who you see gossiping and shopping with other girls (or at least you don’t see me enjoying it). I can try to get along and I still make an effort, but after a while, I feel like I shouldn’t have to try that hard.
There are a few things that make it difficult for me to get along with girls:
- I don’t really take an interest in a lot of the things many other girls do. I don’t wear a lot of makeup, I bargain-shop, I don’t watch trash TV.
- I don’t like to compete for attention. In a group of girls, I feel like they are all trying to get in on the conversation, add their say, be the nicest… If someone overrides me in a conversation, I just let them go for it and will find something else to do.
- I don’t know how to hold a good conversation with other women. I know that some girls get bored around me, but don't think I know how to show I'm interested because they'll just go talk to other girls instead.
- I like to shop alone so I don’t end up with something I don’t need. Plus I’m not on someone else’s time and I can either take the time I need or leave when I want.
- I prefer to go to the bathroom by myself. I don’t like to go with a partner or a clan.
I know that the women I’ve described are not necessarily typical. However, I find myself in the situation where I am struggling to get along with other girls, such as gatherings with my partner’s co-workers. Especially the ones with kids. I seem at a loss because I didn’t grow up with little babies in my family, so I don’t know what to do when someone hands me one. … Tends to make me not a hit with the mothers.
I find it unfortunate that I don't have the maternal instinct because I feel like girls can be such good friends when they can tell something is wrong, when they take the time to pull someone aside to ask if there is anything the matter. I feel badly because I want to be better company with other women, but it is just easier for me to get along with men. Less pressure because I don’t have to worry about being weird or crude!
I am lucky to have a best friend who I get along with perfectly, who I can make jokes with and not be afraid of offending with my sense of humor (I wanted one bridesmaid by my side at my wedding and that’s her!). I’m lucky to have a partner who makes me feel comfortable and special. I’m lucky to have friends and family who accept me for who I am so I don’t have to worry about only having a few girl friends J
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it gives a great feeling to belong with a group of guy friends and they don't talk about u how they normally talk about other girls ;* i see nothin' wrong with that as i've grown to have more guys being close friends for years & it's an honest to goodness awesome relationship that a few of my real good gF's find quite admirable in me^^. wish u all the best! :)
Interesting Story... and Photo too...
glass, "girlie" stuff (make-up, clothes shopping, celeb watching) isn't the center of my world either, and trying to converse with a group of chatty gals just bores me silly. I also prefer to shop alone. (Actually, I'm told I shop like a guy - go straight for what I came for, buy it and get out. No browsing.) At family get togethers, I'm more likely to be playing poker and discussing politics with the guys than trading recipes and beauty secrets with the women. This probably sounds sexist, but it's just the way I'm wired and always have been. ;D
Voted up and interesting. I liked your hub very much because I felt a bit connected with it. Like you I also get along with the boys very well. Either in my childhood or as a teenager I used to play all male dominated games as well as watched live telecast of sports tournaments. Well, there is a twist in my tale from yours and that is I used to and even today I get along nicely with the girls too but definitely those girls who share some common interests with the boys and not the girls with typical girlish approach. I usually keep a distance with them. Even, I often avoid the typical colors which are usually liked by the girls.
A nice interesting hub. Keep it up!
"I prefer to go to the bathroom by myself. I don’t like to go with a partner or a clan." Hehe! That whole bathroom scene is a mystery to a man, although it seems to happen less as women get older! Voted up!
Up and beautiful! It's ok, like you I don't have many girl friends too, few or one is enough as long you're comfortable with each other and you can be yourself when they're around :)
This is very interesting. When in high school I tended to prefer to sit with a group of guys than girls. There isn't squabbling and friend-breakups and pointless gossip. Not to say all groups of girls are like that, but I think it's that way during the high school and college years. My daughter seems to like to hang with guy groups, as well.
I love your hub. There is nothing wrong with being different. I Know that people sometimes feel odd when they are not doing what others are doing or expect them to do Remember that are you are unique being and that's your strength.
as long as you're happy, who cares? i've always had more girl's for friend's, except when it was time to play ball. no, not the other, h
Thanks so much for all of your comments! It's been on my mind these days I think because I've been in a newer city with different kinds of people. It's good to be diverse, but so long as I have my friends and family at hand :)
Fascinating hub. I believe a lot of people can relate to this. Personally, I've never been very interested in conversing with any person who is obsessed with materialism. Male or female. Because of that I tend to seek comfort in music, art and literature.
Interesting Hub. I have a few girlfriends that are amazing but they can be hard to find. We just had a conversation with our daughter last night because she was having a hard time with the girls in her class being snarky. We decided that it would be better to go play with the boys when they acted like that. Boys never say things like, I won't be your friend if you go play tetherball with so and so. They might punch you when they're mad but they usually forget about it after a few minutes. ;) I feel like I'm extremely selective about my girl friends as I have a a few that are amazing and I really don't want any of the drama. I'm glad you have your one good girlfriend, sometimes that's all you need! ;)
I can relate. I grew up an only child and I wasn't very girly, but I wasn't a tomboy either. I just liked books and stuff. I did have Barbies, but that wasn't all I enjoyed. Even in high school when I did have girlfriends, I stopped hanging out with the girls I had befriended because I wasn't obsessed with shopping, boys, or anything superficial. Now obviously I am a girl and I do enjoy some girly things like bright colors, but I don't think that defines me just like my appreciation of basketball, music, or writing doesn't either. Great Hub!
To Glassvisage,
Very good blog and you had an incredible perspective on this. so for that, keep up the good work.
TDM
I think Alecia Murphy nailed it, that hanging out with other girls whose lives revolve around the superficial holds no appeal for many of us.
Throughout reading your hub, I kept saying "me too!!" all the time! Very well-written! Voted up!
So recognisable! My best friend is a guy. With him I can talk about so many more things than with most girls. Although I'm lucky in having two sisters who accept me the way I am and fulfill the roles of friends splendidly. And though I love kids and have them myself, I really don't want to talk about them all the time, lovable though the are. Really great hub!
Great hub, I think that a lot of people can recognise these characteristics in themselves, me especially (admittly if I had been into make-up and going to the toilet in twos etc, I may have been seen as weird) I also think that most guys get on better with girls and girls better with guys because were not trying to impress or be impressed and can be ouselves
Great hub, especially for those of us (and from the comments here there are quite a few) that have never been the girly girl.
I grew up playing in the garage, learned to love working on cars, riding motorcycles with my brothers, and hanging out with the guys. I don't like anything about shopping, only wear makeup for weddings and funerals, and almost keeled over when my daughter said she wanted to try out for cheerleading. I was always happier tearing into a motor than gossiping with the girls and the guys that knew me well appreciated that I could get my little hands back behind the motor where they couldn't reach and had a sense of humor that would offend most girls.
One of my guy friends attributes this phenomenon to girls just generally being the more competitive of the two sexes. And I have to agree with him when he says that if you put 5 women in a room together and come back 5 hours later you'll find angry yelling and possibly blood... put 5 men in a room together for 5 hours and when you get back they'll be kicked back, relaxed and playing cards.
That best friend you have, hang on tight to her and let her know that she means the world to you. I, too, had one female friend that I meshed with extremely well. We survived high school, boyfriends and break ups, marriages, kids, and so much more together. She passed away (at 39) almost two years ago now and I'll never find another person - male or female - that just fits like we did.
I feel it's necessary to get along with both genders. In the same way, I don't think it's fine if girls ONLY get along with girls. They need to get along with guys too -- because when they are in a social environment, they are not dealing with just one gender. How well you cope up with both the sexes defines how adaptable you are. That saying, I'm more comfortable with guys too, but I'm taking an effort nowadays to like and appreciate what other girls do. Just my thought :)
great hub, I feel exactly the same. I've always gotten on better with guys. Girls are far too high maintenance these days. :)
Good issue. I'm 63 and find commonality with you., but do wear makeup and am a girly-girl. I attend dances and music events where I often notice that I really like only a few women, though I see more attractive women than men. Men, more often than women, speak to me and are friendly. I see women competing for male attention in groups. When I'm with a good female friend, that does not happen. I want some scientific studies on this topic.
I relate whole heartedly to your hub. I am a tom boy at heart. The work I am involved in is mainly a male dominated field. I love working and socialising with men.
I have never ever been a girly girl. Hate makeup and hate dresses. I relate to the fellas much more than females.
There is belief that a lot of time as women we fall in line with the status quo, not because we like it but because it is what we have learned or believe others expect of us. I understand what you are stating from a personal prospective because I have been the same way. I think the reason why I got along better with guys was because they did not seem to talk about others just for the sake of conversation. Women often search for what is believed to be the "juicy gossip" when communicating with others because they are more apt to strongly desire emotional connectivity and acceptance. They create these conversations surrounding other peoples business for the sake of this connection, which often leads to the readily known "drama". For those of us women who want to stay out of it, we make the decision to hang out with others (often guys) who are less dramatic; others who are more accepting of us with flaws and all!
I agree with StrengthenWomen on the idea that both sexes are taught to act a certain way. As humans, we tend to like fitting into a neat little box. I'm sure you've noticed that even the "misfits" have their own group/subculture.
I used to say that I didn't like to make friends with a lot of women. But I realized that I actually don't like to hang around with people (either sex) who don't share my interests/views. I've hung around with guys who didn't gossip for example, but who acted ultra macho which I found that completely annoying.
I think that we should be open to meeting people, giving them a chance and then decided whether we like them or not. Maybe you'll start meeting more level headed, females who seem to do things outside the box if you meet them through activites that you enjoy rather than family etc.
All in all, I think it's important for women to support each other in a world where we're already not on equal ground with men.
Love your straight forward story no frills, just an open truth more girls should follow your advice.
Nice i ask that about the same about the opposite sex myself ;)
Opposite sex always attracts, i guess, like I have more female friends than male friends.
I couldn't agree more with you.My mother on the other hand always would look down on me when I would hang out with guys insted of girls,and would always try to get me to hang out with them even though we wouldn't get along!lol though now she sees the error of her ways.....
I don't understand the need to go to the bathroom alone - perhaps it's just me and my old ways...
This article is interesting. And I can relate to you somehow! I can pretty much relate to girls, but these girls that I am talking about are those with boyish sides as well, sans 100% girliness. I also do not like very much those stuff that girls do, like shopping for bags, shoes, clothes. I just do not find them interesting! The only time I shop is when I know I really don't have anything to wear anymore! And if I do shop, I do it by myself as well, because I tend to roam around the mall or stores for hours, just looking at things and not even buying them LOL.
I also feel like I'm not being totally myself when I'm around them girly girls. I feel like I have to be like them so I can fit in, and the thing is, I don't really love what I'm becoming, I feel like my actions are limited and I have to be all prim and proper.
I have one question, though: have you ever felt lonely by being that way?
Thank you all for your comments! JoKalvin, yes I have - I feel lonely in a group of girly girls where I'm not like them and they're together doing their thing and I'm not a part of it.
I hung out with boys because I prefer action to drama. Girls can be whiny and silly. Of course I met girls I could be friends with--in calculus classes and such! I'm glad my daughters have brothers to keep them from being too silly--they still like to do their hair and nails, but they don't get into catfights or drama with other girls.
I agree! Being around my brother definitely saved me from becoming too... girly *shudder*
Its probably your interest. You like to do guy things so you will probably hang out with guys more.
Ratanak Ou 7 months ago
That's great that you can do everything by your ownself. Well, most girls like shopping or going out in group. However, you definitely would be a real girl in last. Great to read your hub!