Getting Over a Broken Engagement: My Experience
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I never thought my engagement could end without a wedding!
My ex-fiance and I had been dating for a little more than 3 1/2 years, and had been engaged for 8 months. We were young, in our mid-twenties, but a lot of our friends were getting married or were engaged. I think my ex had felt pressured by friends, family, and myself, and as a result was swept into committing to an engagement that he was actually not sure about. He thought that in time he would be okay with it, but this did not turn out to be the case.
As for myself, there was nothing I was more excited about than a wedding. I was an excellent planner and in the first few months had the date, the venue, the caterer, the invitations and save-the-dates, bridesmaids and their dresses, and more. My dress was chosen three days after I got the ring! I was always a little sad that I did not receive an actual proposal, however, because we had just gone shopping for a ring and he gave it to me right afterward.
When my ex told me that he thought we should break up, I thought he was joking. I was very confused how this could be happening when I would have done anything for this person. I didn't think there were any serious problems in our relationship. In fact, our friends all thought that we were the most compatible. We rarely fought. We had just had our engagement party. Everyone was surprised by the news, and when they asked me what happened, I really couldn't tell them myself.
As it turned out, however, there were a lot of things that my ex did not tell me. There were a few things about me that bothered him, but he didn't take the time to communicate with me about them so that I could address them (and not even major things, either). For the most part, however, he saw his bachelor life slipping away and wanted to take it back before it disappeared.
I can understand this - but it would have been great to know earlier! :)
I was devastated at first. For the first few days I was in denial and thought we would get back together. However, in a short time I realized that this would not happen. Moreover, after this experience took place, things came out about him that I didn't know before and I realized that this person I had been with for more than four years was actually somebody I didn't know nearly as well as I thought I did!
For me, the realization that I was not going to marry this person who held things back and who wanted different things than I did really helped me to move on. I saw that there were a lot of opportunities that I could now take again as a single girl. Throughout the process, I never felt that my world was over because there is an entire world out there, with so many things to do!
I quickly took advantage of things that I had always wanted to do, and had the chance to spend more time with my good friends. I started dating again and had a blast. While I was happy with my life before, I have had the chance to see the many other things I can do rather than sit at home and wait for my partner to come home from work. I believe that there is no time to waste in life wallowing and missing someone who doesn't miss you.
I couldn't be happier with my life right now, and I would like to thank my ex for giving me the opportunity to live my life to the fullest! I wish him the best in his future.
I think that marriage is still a beautiful thing, and I am now looking forward to a relationship that will enhance my life. I'm saving my wedding dress because I still love it. And maybe I can get the proposal that I've always wanted :)
How long has it/would it take for you to get over a broken engagement?
See results without votingAdditional resources
- 20 Tips for Surviving a Broken Engagement and Moving on with Your Life - Life Love Beauty™
Rebounding from a broken engagement? Try these 20 tips to help you survive a broken engagement or any breakup so that you can move on with your life. Dating and relationships experts weigh in on the best ways you can cope and heal. - Broken Engagement
If either of you, or both of you, have decided that you shouldn't marry one another, please don't think you've failed. Although breaking an engagement is a difficult thing to do, it is less painful to call off the wedding now than it is to file for d - How to Get Over a Broken Engagement - wikiHow
How to Get Over a Broken Engagement. Getting over a broken engagement is never easy - your dreams, hopes, and future wishes are all completely dashed in a moment. The bridal magazines sit around, the suit or dress might even be hanging in... - I Survived Broken Engagement | Group with Personal Stories, Forums and Chat
Have You Survived Broken Engagement? Join friendly people sharing 22 true stories in the I Survived Broken Engagement group. Find forums, advice and chat with groups who share this life experience. - Not bitter -- REALLY-- after broken engagement - CNN
After my engagement ended, my tolerance for weddings was low. Very low. That first week spent on my couch in pure misery saw me turning my eyes away from any and all wedding references. The wedding - How to start dating again after a broken engagement? - relationships dating | Ask MetaFilter
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I'm glad to hear you bounced back so well. I can't imagine the pain you must have felt.
wow! perhaps some time will pass and things will bring you back together. Sometimes after one gets engaged, things magnify thoughts, fears and all the emotions. Glad you were able to share. Stay busy.
That will help.
That is great
A second chance.
I am so glad you went on with your life and didn't let his selfish choices hold you back. I'm sure this experience made you stronger.
Sorry to hear about the broken engagement but glad to see that you found the positive in it. I am recently engaged and it really is kind of scary! =)
Hang in there and thanks for sharing.
Things happen for good reasons! You rediscovered your own wants and needs!
Thank you so much for your comments and support! Live for the moment!!! :)
Be happy that you didn't marry him and find out 13 years down the road that he was a different person than what he had presented to you. Trust your gut instinct - sometimes that is our only clue. It is very easy for someone to mirror back to you those things that are important to you if you are an open person about what you believe, etc. Women do this all the time to men; i.e., pretending that they love football and then once married all they do is complain about their husband watching football! Take your time in committing if you only want to marry once. Remember some people use the word "love" as casually as "I love ice cream", "I love spaghetti!" GClark
Great article. I am happy to see strong women who can face their struggles and come out victorious. All the best.
You definitely will find a perfect match,glassvisage.
I'm so sorry that your heart was broken but as the saying goes,"when one door closes, another one opens."
Good luck in your future plans and much happiness.
actually, we have the same story, the only different is...
i am the guy in your story..
Thanks you all for your comments! natureadventure, at least you had the courage to say something before it was too late!
did you do the marathon and did you write about it? I'm at diegomaher.hubpages.com Thanks
I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. I have been there. Its NOT fun.... I commend your courage to put your story out there. I am sure it will be even better for you the next time. I know it was for me. Now I'm glad it didn't work out. Best wishes to you! :D
Sorry to hear what happened with it but I am glad you have forgotten the past and got over it.
You're someone who sees life half full, and I love that! You get to live life to the fullest now, rather than being pinned down to someone who didn't fully love you for you. Thank you for opening up your personal story for others to read and learn from. Things happen for a reason, and for the better.
Enjoy being single and the world is there for you to explore....
So sorry for that.
You were so open about what happened in your relationship, Glassvisage. That counts a lot.
I'm glad the engagement breakup didn't make you withdraw into yourself.
I've not had any engagement but when a girl broke my heart, I lived in denial for almost a year. When I got hold of myself, I let go and right now, there are lots of them and I can't clearly make a choice.
Awesome hub!
Wow, I feel like your situation mirrors my current situation. I love my boyfriend very much, and I believe he loves me to, but sometimes communicating with him is such a struggle. It also seems that I'm the one constantly bringing up marriage plans. We have been together for 2.5 years now and I think it is time for marriage. I want children and the whole pie.
Starting over seems like it would be so HARD, considering we live together and are such a big part of each others lives.
However, if things randomly don't work out between my bf and I, I'll look back to your article for inspiration.
Did you keep the ring?
I know it sounds like a silly question, but my ex gave me a ring for our one-year anniversary - not an engagement ring, but still lovely - and I continue to wear it, because I don't think something so beautiful should be forgotten just because we aren't together anymore.
So great to hear how you bounced back. :)
That's great. Good Article.. Keep it up.
Thank you for your comments! Bgold, be sure not to put pressure on your partner - I feel like I did that and look what happened! Wait for your partner to be ready.
xlorna, I didn't keep the ring - I guess it just didn't mean anything to me anymore!
Wow, this is the most touching and truthful hub I've read oh hubpages. I'm glad you were able to move on and express the experience in writing. I believe everything happens for a reason. You WILL find love again, maybe in the most unexpected places. And perhaps you'll get an official fairy tale proposal this time around!
*sending a digital hug* :-)
You go girl! I'm glad to hear you got a great positive outlook for your life out of this relationship. Thanks for sharing this hub.
Thank you for your comments :) Turtlewoman, thanks for the digital hug!
A broken anything has a silver lining even if it never feels like it possibly could. I'm sorry you had that experience. It's better to have it now than to get married and have that end after a year. It just means something better will happen in your time and place in your own history.
ytsenoh, thank you for your kind comment :) I agree and am happy with how things have worked out!
A difficult time initially, but I'm thankful that you have been able to see not just the practical aspects of how things now stand, but the truth about the relationship that frees you for living.
I know young women who cannot seem to see that as difficult as this kind of a breakup is, how much worse it would be if they continued to be deceived.
Glad you posted about your journey. Best to you.
Thanks for sharing about your journey. Enjoy whatever stage of life you have to the fullest.
glassvisage, How beautiful for you to share this with others! Just maybe some will recognize the signs before they say: “I DO!” Your painful experience actually saved you from more additional heartache... You did not allow pride to encourage you to hang on rather you bravely let go! You have learned some very invaluable lessons! You have learned to get BETTER rather than bitter! GOOD Communication is a major component in a GOOD Marriage. Both spouses need to commit to becoming transparent which helps to build a strong foundation…
Marriage is BEAUTIFUL and I believe that it is the ultimate partnership between a man and a woman! I am glad that you are still in Favor of marriage. I pray that at the appointed time you will meet the right man who genuinely LOVES you and wants to spend the rest of their life with you! One who is willing to sincerely commit to their wedding vows! Peace & Blessings!
Thank you for the kind and encouraging words! I have no complaints or regrets and I'm so happy with how life has turned out :)
What a positive turn around from such a loss. Good for you. Loss no matter what is painful. I talked about mine in The Declutter Gazette Vol. 2. I like the way you saught out the good in it all. I wish you great happiness and a true love to come into your life. I have been with mine for 32 years. Blessings, Marcie
This is a very sobering story and all the more amazing because it actually happened to you. Ending an engagement must be so hard to get over, and yet you are managing to stay positive.
glassvisage, You are quite a strong young woman and a true example and encouragement to others who have been where you are. As you thanked your ex. I thought .. what a gracious heart. You were right on in being thankful that you did not marry him knowing he had withheld information from you.
Moving on is what we all must do when things don't work out as we so long for them to. I hope you find a great guy some day but until then, continue to enjoy your life just as it is .. Great Hub, Voted up and Awesome!
Mekenzie
A wonderful piece you have here. It's beautiful that you found things in a positive light. It's tough to see that sometimes when things don't work out as you'd planned.
It must have been heart breaking but the best part is you did not hold any grudge against him and that is your biggest strength. It will help you move forward in life.God has better plans for you.
Alexander Brenner Level 1 Commenter 4 months ago
Harrowing. I truly feel for you and admire your courage. I will not presume to say I know what it feels like, but every break up I have had required time more than anything else. A cliche, I know. Either way just know that you are not alone, nor are you weak by any means